Extra Space, Empty Cupboards: Moving and Metaphors

Well, the move has finally occurred.  We spent the last three weeks living out of suit cases with Brian's parents while the contractors finished up some final touches on the home.  There are still some "final touches" to be done (*ahem), but that's another story in and of itself.  And somewhat of a frustrating one, too.  But, I digress.  While Brian's family were wonderful hosts, it kind of prolonged the reality of moving for me.  It felt more like we were on vacation and that this was just a temporary thing--complete with being totally out of our routines, normal diets, etc... Let's just say the boys and I were driving each other somewhat bonkers.  Or A LOT bonkers!  So, I was somewhat anxious to get back to our own place and our own routines.  Enter a rip-roaring case of pink eye and ear infections for each of my boys this week (aka "our home is now our prison") and then add to that trying to pack/unpack/move with a next-to-absent husband since October, and finally the reality of leaving a dearly beloved home and friends behind and you've officially got a full-fledged basket case on your hands!  Quite simply, if we survive this, I'll pretty much be my own hero!    

Does it sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself?  Good!  Because I definitely am.  :)  But in between all of the self-pity parties, I am most assuredly counting my blessings and telling myself it could always be worse.  This little game of back and forth self-pity and gratitude seems to be the theme of this move.  While this move brings with it extreme heart-ache and longing for what's familiar, it also brings an abundance of opportunity for growth and prosperity in all aspects of our lives.  As I've reflected and pondered on our current situation, I've found a few metaphors in moving that are helping me to cope with the chaos of it all.  

A friend at the gym told me the other day that she had heard experts compare the physical and emotional effects of a move to the loss of a loved one.  I know first hand the magnitude of feelings that come from loss of a loved one and I couldn't help to feel some truth in this statement.  While they may not be felt on quite the same level, there are a lot of similarities between the two life events.  Your heart aches for what once was, wishes it could change the current circumstances, and looks towards the future with great uncertainty as it struggles to pick up the pieces and start over again.  Eventually, it settles in to a place of gratitude for what has been and what you've known.  And even though you're moving forward and grateful for where you may be now, you will never forget or replace what was.  The epitome of bittersweet, no?

The second metaphor came while unpacking my belongings and putting them in their new places.  Having just packed and moved all of them, I swore we had too much stuff and that I would be better about making do and not buying "stuff" that just took up space in my home.  I also did a pretty thorough clean out process before we packed, because who wants to pack and move useless stuff?  Well...this house is a bit bigger and actually has built in storage, so I've been left with a few completely empty cabinets.  This experience has actually led to a couple different train of thoughts.  In addition to the extra space and opportunities the new home brings, the move has done the same in nearly every aspect of our lives.  We have a lot more opportunities financially, physically, emotionally and socially.  But just because we have more space (in our home and life) doesn't mean we just rush to fill it as fast as we can with more useless "stuff".  We need to be sure we're filling it with meaningful things.  True treasures..."that moth and dust doth not corrupt."  Those kinds of treasures take time to acquire.  A lot of time.  So, in the meantime...my "cupboards" are feeling a little barren.  Empty.  Destitute.  Lonely.  Especially in the way of friends and loved ones.  I know that with time, they'll eventually be filled.  And if I'm meticulous about how they get filled, I know I'll find the perfect balance of old and new.  The place where old treasures are still just as valuable and precious to me.  The place where what's new compliments and truly adds to what is old.  Meticulous.  And patient!  It will happen; this gaping hole in my heart will be filled.  And while I hope it won't take too long, I'm sure I'll be learning a lot about patience.               

At any rate, I wanted to take a moment to record the things that I will miss as well as the things that I am most looking forward to.  Surprisingly, they seem to fall in to the same categories for both places.  So here goes... 

The neighborhood/the house:  We loved our quaint, little home and neighborhood in Marana.  That was our first and only home thus far.  We purchased it as newlyweds in 2005.  It's walls have seen a heap of living.  We lived enough in the country, with mountain ranges behind us, but had all of the conveniences of the city (could walk to the grocery store) without the hustle and bustle.  The stars were also very visible and wildlife was in abundance.  It really was a little slice of heaven.  While we didn't really know our immediate neighbors all that well, we had some great friends in the nearby, surrounding neighborhoods.  Sunday evening walks as a family would usually land us with a boat load of friends in some cul-de-sac along the way.  We will miss those times for sure!

Our new house is 1/4 mile south of a beautiful, new LDS temple.  It is still under construction, but the outside architecture is mostly done.  It is the perfect centerpiece of our dining room window.  We quite literally have a temple in every room!  I love it's presence--both physically and spiritually--in our lives.  We hope to feel of it's influence often.  Both boys beam with excitement when they see it.  When driving in the car, it's a race to see which one can see it first and call out, "I see the temple!  We're almost home!"  One of life's little pleasures.  We live on a quiet, dead-end street.  There are only four houses on this street without any probability of more coming...which means I don't have to worry nearly as much about the boys riding their bikes and scooters around the house!  We live on an acre lot, with fields in the front and in the back.  We see horses and cows and farming every day.  The boys love it!  And I do, too.  In a couple more months, we'll probably have some  horses/mules on our property.  Talk of a dog is in the works, as well as a trampoline and swing set.  One of the beauties of extra space!  Remember how I said I didn't want to fill it up with "stuff", though?  Ha!  As for our neighbors...we couldn't ask for better!  We live next door to my dear Uncle Dave and some long time family friends (both to Brian's and my family), the Haggards.  Their association will be priceless for our boys.         

The ward--We now have a 2--instead of 20-- minute commute to church.  Really, we could just walk.  It's that close--just 1/4 mile south of us.  We've only attended the ward one Sunday, but I'd say it's one of the friendliest I've ever attended.  I mean...the very first night I had an email with the ward directory and a list of YW in the ward who want to babysit!  How can you not love that?  There are some dynamite, rock-solid members and families in this ward and I am looking forward to learning from them.  One of my cousins was just made the Bishop, so this should be interesting.  We loved our Picture Rocks Ward and all the opportunities that it gave us to learn, grow and especially, to serve.  But, I'm gonna go ahead and admit that I hope to fly under the radar in our new ward for a little while.  :)

The friends/family--I have so many dear friends from my Tucson era.  I mean, I spent the last 12 years of my life there.  I'd put down some roots, for sure.  It's funny how most of those 12 years, I really couldn't wait to get out of there, but in the last 12-18 months, it really started to feel like home.  Go figure.  I will miss those dear friends, terribly.  I already do.  Thankfully, I'm not so far away that visits are impossible.

One of the greatest blessings of this move is that we are now surrounded by family.  All of my siblings live within 30 minutes.  My parents will live here with us part-time.  My in-laws, a BIL and SIL are also within 30 minutes.  My children will grow up near cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.  We are blessed.    

The gym--In the past year, I have discovered and fallen in love with CrossFit.  It is frequently called a fitness "cult" by some.  But, what I've found there is an incredibly supportive and inspiring community.  It's a fun and competitive outlet for me that pushes me in every way and recharges my drained mommy batteries.  Some of the dearest friends that I am leaving behind in Tucson are from the gym. What's more, there happened to be some amazing athletes and coaches at this gym and they pushed me in incredible ways.  I learned so much from them.  I had opportunities to compete on levels that I wouldn't have been able to otherwise without their assistance.  The only negative thing I can think to say of that place is that perhaps my abilities were somewhat stifled because I never saw myself as ever being able to reach the level of many of those athletes.  I stayed within my comfort zone and never believed I could (or tried to) keep up with them.  At my new gym, there are some fierce competitors as well.  Maybe not as many and maybe not as fierce, but time will tell.  But, what it has done for me is made me get outside of my comfort zone.  It's made me have to prove myself, which has made me push harder than I otherwise would've believed was possible.  Also, the programming is different, and I believe this will help me develop into a more well-rounded athlete.  I am a little nervous about the environment, though, and wonder if I'll ever come to love and respect this group of people like I did my last community.  Time (there's that word again!  Time--always time.  And patience!) will tell.

Well, I better wrap up this sob story because, as you can tell, there is much for which to be grateful.  Time to start filling up that extra space with more love.  More talents.  More friends.  More wisdom.  More treasures.