Okay. After my last post and some of the comments I received, I felt a follow-up on the facebook issue was in order. (Thanks for your comments, by the way. They made me laugh a lot and think a lot, too--uh oh--hence, another post on the issue.) So, let's get to it shall we?
First off, do I have beef with FB? When I ask myself this question, and I answer it with complete honesty, I have to admit that the answer is probably a slight, "yes." So, that brings us to our next question...why? Well, I'm not sure I can pinpoint it down to any one thing in particular, but here are some of the things that have come to mind in my pondering. And mind you, these opinions are in no way meant to pass judgment nor can they be considered totally relevant because of my complete inexperience with Facebook itself.
Facebook has apparently become the top way to keep in touch with a lot of people with minimal effort--and this irks me for a few reasons. First of all, it seems impersonal, distant and removed. If there are people that I truly love and want to be in touch with (like the most important people in your life--family and really close friends), you better believe I'm going to make the time to call them, send them a direct email, or pay them a visit if distance allows. It may take longer than reading their FB wall, but it's just the way I prefer to catch-up. Secondly, from what I understand, FB doesn't really contain blogs or deep details as to what a person is up to. It mostly contains one-liners or pictures showing what they're doing or feeling at present. So, that begs the question, how is that really keeping in touch? So, yeah, my main beef with FB here is that it is killing the blog...the journaling...the true details of what is really happening in a person's life. (Kind of like the iPod is killing the spirit of the marathon...but that's a different post for another day.) I regret that I can no longer really keep in touch with several people due to the fact that FB has caused them to neglect their blogs. So, it's just me being a poor loser, I know.
Moving on to the next issue. FB seems to perpetuate the high school mentality. Okay--I realize this a very blanket statement. Certainly it doesn't do that for everyone. But some I know seem to have been swept away to their former high school selves merely by re-connecting with folks from their high school years! This scares me because I can see how that would be easy to do--at least for me, anyway. You continue to categorize people the same way you did in high school. Your desire to be "in the know" on what's going on in everyone's life so you can tell whoever about whoever the next time you see whoever (in one word--gossip)! I'd like to think I've made a lot of progress since those years and I don't want to return to that person ever again. I like who I am now and I want people to know me for who I am now, not keep me in that proverbial high school box.
In conjunction with this last point, I have yet another beef to be discussed. Because you can connect with people from your past so easily, you'll find yourself connecting with people you weren't ever really close to to begin with...and these people seem to multiply like bunnies. Next thing you know, you're checking peoples' walls that you hadn't even given two seconds worth of thought to before they sent you a friend request. And all of these "friends" take time--precious time--to keep up on. So, in essence, the very reason you're on FB to begin with--to keep in touch with loved ones--gets obscured by keeping in touch with LOTS and LOTS of people you were sort of friends with and are just curious about. So you end up squandering the time you could be spending with truly important people on less important people--people that shouldn't make the top of your priority list of people to spend time on/with. (And this includes mothers and fathers neglecting their children so that they can read everybody's wall for an hour or so a day--may seem ridiculous, but it happens...trust me. And I'm not totally naive, it happens with blogging, too.)
So, all of this brings me to my last and final FB beef. I can easily see myself falling into any one, if not all of these traps or pitfalls that I have listed above. I recognize in myself a personal weakness in this area--I'm already somewhat of a computer-a-holic to begin with. I don't want to exacerbate the problem. If I were on a diet, I wouldn't keep a gallon of ice cream in my freezer. I just wouldn't do it, because I wouldn't be able to keep myself from having any--ice cream is my favorite. It's the same with the computer and FB. I can't keep FB around for the mere sake that I just might not be able to keep it all in moderation and I'm not feeling quite up to testing myself just yet. Maybe someday, but not now. Too many other things to work on and to conquer before I'm ready to fight that battle.
So there you have it. My FB beef has nothing to do with FB at all--it has to do with me and my weakness. A weakness that I can see FB magnifying. Seeing how I have enough weaknesses to work on at present, I think I'll pass on this one.
(Thanks for listening. A post--or more like an essay--about FB seems like a really silly thing, but there was some serious self-discovery in that little pondering session. I hope you can overlook my weaknesses and understand that I still love you, even if you have FB! HA! No, really...in all seriousness, I don't judge anybody who uses FB and it was not my intent to make anyone feel bad. It really is a personal problem and this was my attempt to explain why I can't be a part of the FB world as of yet.)
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8 comments:
Well said. I applaud your morals and your ability to express yourself so well. I think FaceBook is like anything (blogging, websurfing & TV) it has its place but can easily be used in excess. But stick to your guns and stay away if that is what you feel is best for you :) I'm on Facebook but I feel that MOST of it is a big waste of time. I don't use it go keep in touch with "loved ones" at all. I use email, blogs & phones for that. I use it to keep in touch with friends/family that aren't close enough to be blog readers or on my email list. Like cousins that are 10 yrs. younger than me or friends from years gone by. Not justifiying just explaining the small amount of value I find in FB.
I agree that just as with anything...TV, internet or even Books!...it's all about Moderation! It does seem like there are A LOT of people who are "addicted" to Facebook for the exact reasons you mentioned...Luckily I'm too busy to be one of them.
I had to chuckle at your little note at the bottom about self-discovery because I've had a few posts on my blog like that for the same reason..I'm explaining how I feel & working through my thoughts to my own self....you've seen proof. :)
One reason I do find FB helpful though is keeping in touch with my HS, college, childhood friends that I really do care about but never had all their contact info & can do it in a quick but thoughtful way without taking too much time away from my family. Also my MANY cousins that I do not see often but love getting to know them this way...& I probably would not be emailing all 80 of them each month but can do it in this way. (definitely the lazy way-I admit.)
Janette!
I can not even begin to tell you just HOW much I needed to read that about facebook. I LOVED it!! I thought it was GREAT, to the point, and oh so true! I was deeply impressed...so much so that (drum roll) I deleted my facebook account tonight! I might have to go to a facebook addiction recovery class but I feel GREAT! I truly was addicted and spent SO much time on it, every single day. It was disgusting. It had to be an all or nothing thing because I don't just do little here or there. Know what i mean? I announced it on Saturday night, and on Sunday I had a friend come up and say "you know what? you inspired me. I think I'm going to get rid of facebook too. " I was like "AHH!! That is great! It is all because of a blog post from my cousin that I am doing it" and I HOPE you don't mind!?! but I send him your post about facebook because golly, it was WONDERFUL! It is interesting because just this week I got an letter from my mom and in it was this letter that some Young Womans president wrote about why SHE didn't have facebook. Sign? I think so! :) WIth your permission, could I put some (or all?) of that post on my blog? If you're not ok with that that is totally fine. I just want everybody to read it.
Have a great night! Thank you for your example. It has touched more than you know. My husband thought it was great too!!
Lisa
I have mixed feelings about Facebook. It is a complete time waster in many cases, but for me last year when I was going through all of my stuff with Kenadee it was SO nice to be able to just put a thing up saying that there was a problem or that she had died, instead of trying to call everybody and through tears try to tell them what had happened. For one, I wouldn't have been ABLE to do it, so I wouldn't have DONE it--but it put it out there for people and I had SO much support from people because the already knew what was going on because of FB. They didn't have to wait to get a phone call from the RS pres, they would just stop by to say hi, or bring me goodies, or offer to bring a meal or to watch my kids. I didn't get as detailed on FB as I did with my blog, that was reserved for those who are really close to me and have an invite (cause I'm a little paranoid about having a public blog). I do know some people who will put their blog posts on facebook (there's a section for that as well). So I could've put all the details on my FB as well, but I really wasn't comfortable with that, because there are people on there who are more of acquaintances than friends.
But I am 100% with you on the high school mentality. It's similar to the discussion we had about twilight and the effect it has on some women. Is Twilight or Stephanie Meyers to blame? Not neccessarily--it is a problem with the woman! Same with FB, and it's easy to get sucked in and you have to be strong. For me, I learned that anything internet related is a time waster and pulls me away from my family. That's why I don't have internet at my home. I have access to it other places, but my time is limited now, so I don't spend all my time on FB or even reading blogs. But I still have the pros of FB, without so much of the cons, if that makes sense.
One nice thing about FB is that you can "hide" people, so that their posts don't show up in your "news feed". I have done that with people that I'm not that close to. Family and close friends are about all that I need to get updated on a regular basis. As for the other people, if I happen to think of them outside of FB, and wonder how there are doing then I can go check their "wall" and see how they are doing. And now FB has it so that you can customize who sees your posts, so if you only want it going to a certain group of people, you can do that.
Another thing I like about FB, is it's easy to stay in touch with people regardless of email change. It gives you one central place to stay in touch.
I do have to add that I feel FB should add to your relationship with someone--not replace it. That is why I deleted my own sister as a friend on FB, because she didn't know how to interact with me outside of FB anymore. Has our relationship improved since then? No, but at least it's not fake anymore.
So anyway, those are my two cents. I don't blame you or judge you at all for not wanting to join the FB world. I totally understand.
Your funny...you gave me a good laugh. I have mixed feelings about it. Truth is I get burned out of blogging every now and again. I like them both for different reasons:)
A little belated but thanks again for all of your comments. I totally agree that there are MANY pros to FB, some of which I regret that I don't have access to. For me, however, I'm afraid the cons would overpower the pros. In the future...well, you might see me on FB, but not until some other kinks are ironed out. :)
Lisa, by all means, post it, copy it, email it or anything you please with it if you think it could help someone. My intent was not rescue any FB addicts, but if that is a side benefit of this post, then great! How is your non-FB life treating you, by the way? Anyway...thanks for you kind words and I'm glad I could help!
interesting post, janette. i agree with heather 100%. i do want to say that facebook is a really great way to "keep tabs" on the youth since the majority of them are on it. you don't have to be a facebook addict to get something positive out of it and like everything else, all things in moderation. :)
Hello Brian and Janette,
Um, did I ever mention I have a really good memory? Well, I do, and I remembered a comment you posted about wishing there was a sarcasm font. Well, there is now something called the sarcmark.
http://www.ksl.com/index.php?nid=148&sid=10652858
Check it out. It is curvy like the @ symbol, but in the middle is a dot, like a curvy exclamation point. I read this and thought of you, even though we've never met in real life.
Have a good day!
Token Asian Friend.
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